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Not Into New Monogamy

Do you and your significant other have a fifty-mile rule? Do you have a work boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you a party bisexual?

Fifty-mile rule = You don’t sleep with anyone who lives in your city.
Work boyfriend/girlfriend = A colleague — your lunchmate, IM partner, smoking buddy, etc. No sex, though.
Party bisexual = Woman or a man who engages in same-sex sex-play after multiple martinis.


Some more definitions of "Managed Monogamy" behind the cut.

Above-the-waist rule
An agreement that any touching above the beltline is fair game.
Body-fluid monogamy
When a couple forgoes the latex with each other but requires it for all outside sexual activity.
Celebrity trading card
As seen on Friends: an imaginary laminated card in your wallet—proof that your partner has given permission for you to sleep with the stars listed.
Cheating
Secret, extracurricular romantic and/or sexual activity that breaks the rules. So nineties, so lame.
Closed relationship
How some people in open relationships refer to “old-fashioned” monogamy.
Don’t ask, don’t tell
A policy whereby people in a committed relationship may screw around, so long as they are discreet.
Ethical slut
A promiscuous person who strives to approach partners with respect and honesty. (From the 1997 how-to book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.)
Make-out party
Events open to the public where semi-nudity and above-the-waist fondling are encouraged.
Open flirting policy
An understanding that flirting is healthy, harmless fun.
Open relationship
A long-term, committed relationship in which the couple explicitly agrees to extracurricular sexual activity, either together or individually.
Pinch hitter
Someone a couple brings in to spice up their love life, e.g., to watch them have sex or to get together with one-half of the couple while the partner watches.
Physical monogamy
You can look, fantasize, and engage in dirty talk— but no touching.
Polyamory
A philosophy of being involved with multiple long-term, intimate partners.
Polyfidelity
Having more than one long-term partner but being closed to additions, e.g. trinogamy (see below).
Polygamy
Multiple spouses.
Swinging
Partner-swapping. Sometimes referred to as “the Lifestyle.”
Trinogamous
To be in a committed threesome.


All of the definitions are from an article in New York Magazine called The New Monogamy. It's rather long but intriguing and gives a number of variations in today's open relationships.

In my younger days, I've had several cute guys as my work boyfriends. In one case, I was single and he was not. He was dating a girl who worked for the same company but at another location. We flirted and goofed on each other all day long and went out several nights a week with other co-workers including his girlfriend. And then one night everyone else, even his virginal gal, went home early and we stayed out and played until very, very late. One thing led to another and I quickly became the other woman. We continued to flirt and goof off during the day and we found ways to keep up the secret fooling around at night. Quite a hot summer. I felt bad about his girlfriend but not bad enough to stop what we were doing. (I was not an Ethical Slut.) Then he left for boot camp in the National Guard and it ended with no ill will between us and still no knowledge of our extra-curriculars by his girlfriend.

While he was away, she talked about him regularly with me because I was his "good friend" and shared how much she looked forward to him returning home because they were getting engaged. When he returned home, we had one last fling. And they did get engaged but broke up six months later. He called me right after that but I'd moved on. We didn't hook up again. So work boyfriends can and often do become more than that in my experience and in stories I've heard from many friends.

Juannie and I met at work. We carried on our romance secretly because he was my boss and acted like we were just work boyfriend/girlfriend.

These days, we don't carry Celebrity Trading Cards but we do regularly discuss the ever-changing five celebrity hotties on what we call our "Free Pass List". I certainly enjoy the idea of Salma Hayek (a mainstay on my list) or that cute guy on The Office US (new addition) but I would never act on it - even if the remote possibility actually presented itself. For me it's an interesting diversion and I assume it is the same for Juannie. But then he did add Kate Winslet to his list when he found out that she was filming a movie in New Orleans a while back. Hmmm...

At this point, I know enough about myself to state that I do not have whatever it would take to be in an open relationship of any kind. I know I couldn't handle the idea of Juannie being with someone else. I wouldn't want to be present for it or be the one at home imagining it. I don't share well. I am selfish. I am not that carefree.

The article is certainly interesting. I am printing it out so Juannie can read it tonight when he gets home from work. I am sure it will inspire some lively conversation and possibly more.

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Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
siriusseaside
Nov. 17th, 2005 05:09 pm (UTC)
Your story is fascinating and I enjoyed it. Sounds like a nice memory to have. Makes me think about what I would and wouldn't do.
silverdee
Nov. 17th, 2005 05:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I never thought I'd be the other woman but I was proven wrong. I do regret that now.
aromenis
Nov. 18th, 2005 11:05 am (UTC)
“Sometimes we’ll go for months when it’s just the two of us. But if I just happen to be busy or not in the mood, then I’m not going to stop him. For example, the other night I had a bunch of work to do, so when Siege brought a new girl home, I stayed in the bedroom while they took a bath. I walked past and just said hi.”

I couldn't do that--I'm way too jealous for that to work!

More than one couple referred to their additional partners as living, breathing sex toys.

LOL! Wow.
silverdee
Nov. 18th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)
I read that part about the bath and thought, "That's way too understanding for me!"
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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