January 10th, 2005


Going To Austin!

Juannie won an award at work (no it's not a sexy leg lamp like in A Christmas Story) and he is being honored with some of the other winners tomorrow night at a dinner. His company is flying us to Austin tomorrow morning and we are staying at The Driskill. The hotel is reportedly haunted.

I am very proud of Juannie. He has worked very hard since joining his company two years ago. The evening should be a lot of fun even if we don't see any ghosts.

Poli-Dent, Monobrow, Mayo & Mustard

My lunch hour was so aggravating that I am almost anxious to get back to work.

First, I went to Walgreens to pick up a greeting card and a couple of other things I needed. I found it all quickly, marched up to the checkout line and felt triumphant because there was only one person in front of me. And he only had one item! Too much triumph, too soon. The one item was Poli-Dent and, as of yesterday, it was no longer on sale. The customer wanted proof that it was no longer on sale so another salesperson had to be summoned and last week's sale flyer had to be found.

I waited patiently and became transfixed by the haircut on the checkout guy. Most of his head was shaved very closely but there was a small bowl-shaped area of straight, black hair left on top of his cranium. The hair became sculpted bangs that went down his forehead in an ever-narrowing point that ended right above his quite spectacular monobrow.

When the Poli-Dent issue was finally resolved, the gentleman decided he did not want it because it was not on sale. Okay! Now it's my turn. Not so fast there, little camper. The Poli-Dent had been rung up but never voided so it was now showing up as part of my total. I almost missed this overcharge because I was still amazed by the hair-don't.

The checkout guy called over a helper who was unable to understand the situation as he described it. Based on his poor descriptive skills, I had an inkling as to how he may have come to possess such a haircut. Another helper was called over and the original two tried in turns to explain things to her but still no solution could be determined. I was so bemused by the entire situation that I remained mum to see where all of this was going. Miss Eulalie was summoned over the intercom and after listening to all of their stories, fixed upon a solution: void the entire sale and start over. At last, I was allowed to depart with my three items costing less than $5.

Next I was going to pick up something for lunch. I decided to treat myself to a delicious bagel sandwich. I went in, ordered my usual, declined the offer of tomato but did agree to mayo, a little mustard and lettuce on my everything bagel. I sat down with the new Gambit Weekly to wait for my to-go order. And I waited. And I waited some more.

My patience was not quite what it once was given that at Walgreen's I had already endured a good bit of aggravation, there were no intriguing haircuts for my perusal and I was getting really hungry. They were a little bit busier than normal so I read a little more Gambit but still no bagel. I went up to the counter and the bagel artist (same guy who took my order) looked at me as if I had the Walgreens checkout guy's haircut. I told him what I ordered and he looked even more confused. Then he wandered around behind the counter looking for something. I was hoping it was my bagel.

In the midst of his behind-the-counter odyssey, the phone rang. He answered the phone and talked with a fond acquaintance about the "screaming afro" on Randy Moss during the Vikings-Packers game. I was really close to losing my cool but then he handed the phone over to the other person behind the counter and resumed his search for my bagel. He did not find it so he then decided to make me one.

After a few more minutes, I received a bag with a bagel in it. The outside of the bag had many splotches of mustard on it. I was too close to the edge to ask for another bag but I should have paid more attention to all the yellow showing.

I returned to my office forty-five minutes after leaving. I was so ready to enjoy my lunch. When I grasped the bagel in its wrapper from the bag, it fell apart due to the massive gobs of mayo and mustard slathered on my sandwich. To his credit, bagel guy did remember that I did not want tomato. But to compensate for that missing item, he over-portioned the mayo, mustard and lettuce. Now I had to reassemble the many ingredients on my bagel into a semi-coherent mass and try to eat it. It was a very messy endeavor that required many napkins (none of which were in the bag with the bagel) and caused more irritation than pleasure.

I hope that I have used up my weekly quota for delays and aggravation today so that my travels in the next two days go smoothly.
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